A question variously asked by some readers is not ‘When is your next scholarly post? The nation awaits’ but ‘When is the next caption competition?’ Conscious that some months have passed since the last one, here is one to test your imaginative skills. I am always impressed by the ingenious captions devised by some readers, so let us see if this inspires great wit. The photograph is taken from a debate on reform of the House of Lords held by the splendid Hull University Politics Society. Lord Newby, leader of the Liberal Democrat peers, is on the left (in more senses than one) and I am on the right.
As usual, the winner will be the reader who comes up with the caption that I regard as the wittiest and most appropriate in context. The prize will be one of my recent publications. The most obvious in the circumstances is Reform of the House of Lords. In case the winner is someone with most or all of my recent publications, I did think recently of what I thought was an attractive alternative. Unfortunately, I have forgotten what it was. I am at that age. But if I remember…
Let the entries begin. Paging Dean Bullen and Tony Sands.
The Norton View 
“… so if anyone refers to Westminster as “the Mother of Parliaments” I suggest squeezing their **censored** like so, until they stop.”
Welcome to this months meeting of Political Scientists Anonymous. My name’s Professor Phillip Norton..and I’m a Political Scientist!
Lord Norton impersonates a squirrel hoarding its nuts to demonstrate what we should all be doing as BREXIT approaches
Dearly beloved we are here to commemorate the Prime Ministership of the late lamented Theresa May. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me that she is best epitomised by that well known phrase “No Brexit means No Brexit!” And in her case that was certainly true!
…therefore, I will not even bother to write anything on the board behind me. Forget everything I taught you about our constitution and our political system. Once Boris becomes PM kiss goodbye to all theories, the only thing that is left to us is pray. So please join me…
Dearly beloved we are gathered here in a spirit of optimism to celebrate the academic marriage of our friend and Prime Minister Boris with ERG Brexit. We only have the room booked until the 31st October so we will need to keep the vows short. If not then I’m afraid we’ll have to leave without any matrimonial agreement in place which will no doubt delight some of you who were opposed to this marriage in the first place. Now does anyone know of any lawful impediment why these two should not be joined together in political matrimony. Speak now or forever hold your Brexit peace….
lets ALL take a moment to pray that the Brexit crash landing goes as well as it can…
And where there is discord, may we bring harmony …
And so we’re down to the last three in this year’s Savid Javid lookalike competition and this contestant seems particularly keen to win.
I’ve only been talking for seven hours, and I’m sure we can all go home as soon as the fog outside these windows clears …
… and with just 77 days until Halloween, let us pray for all the saints, martyrs and dearly departed … be they newbies or oldies … from this place or from the other place …
Can’t teach an old dog Newby tricks
Reform of the House of Lords…this is a black and white issue.
And given your recent experience, what would be Your Lordship’s solution to Hull Trains’ slight punctuality problems?
Being on the right makes it a clear glide. If we all remain on the same page, as far from left as you can conceivably get, we will owe a debt of gratitude we may never be able to repay…… Brace for impact.
“A representative democracy and referendums, fit together rather like this…”
– *immediately pulls hands apart*
Lord Norton immediately realises he has misread the room in suggesting the hokey cokey.
When talking about House of Lords Reform you have to go back to the drawing board.
After attempting to make a stringless Cats Cradle Lord Norton was left tied up all day.
Remembering the 5th R in Lords reform (Refurbishment)… “I know we don’t have a laptop, but did anyone bring bunting? It’s a bit drab in here…”
Lord Norton explains to the British press for the umpteenth time the meaning of the Fixed Term Parliament Act!
My entry: ‘no I’m sorry we can’t have another caption competition, the outcome of the last one was decisive…’
Lord Norton’s hands show how tightly political parties agree on the the lord’s reform detailed on the blank white boards behind.